In lieu of the recently released NES Remix on the Wii U eShop, I’ve decided to skip the inevitable discussion of an SNES Remix and go straight to Nintendo 64 Remix — or Remix 64, as it should be known. I dread to think of how much it would cost, given that NES Remix was $15, but I’d rather serve up ideas that could be included in this hypothetical remix. The library of this console was absolutely amazing, I remember as a child being able to shoot down baddies one minute, then go rescue a princess the next and eventually end up taking some questionable pictures of Pokémon. The Nintendo 64 is personally my second favourite system, shorty being beaten by the GameCube, so to see it have a Remix of its own would be magical.

I love the different things they did with the NES games — for example, making everything into a silhouette or removing the backgrounds — so it’d be interesting to see what Nintendo could achieve with 3D games. Note that not all of the following suggestions are 100% serious.

Remix 64.fw

Ocarina of Time
OoT - 64 Remix
You thought he was impossible to beat? Well, you’re wrong! Don the Bunny Hood and race the The Running Man to the Lost Woods.

OoT2 - 64 Remix
We’ve all done it, whether it was intentional or not: hit a Cucco so many times that a whole battalion of them were released to bring you to your demise. See if you can survive a whole five minutes against them as they grow increasingly faster and harsher. You thought Ganon was the hardest enemy in the game? Think again.

Star Fox 64 (Lylat Wars)
Starfox - 64 Remix
Navi isn’t gaming’s most annoying sidekick; Slippy Toad is. Our amphibian friend lands himself in trouble within the first thirty seconds of the game where you have to save him, as tempting as it is to just let him die. Even if you do end up saving him, you’re not allowed to take him down with your own hand. Frogs are friends, not food.

Donkey Kong 64
DK64 - 64 Remix
Don’t miss a beat. While you don’t need to get out your Donkey Konga Bongos, you must rap every single word of the introduction rap when starting up Donkey Kong 64. Come on, Cranky, take it to the fridge.

Mario Party
Mario Party 1 - 64 RemixAny gamer worth their salt has suffered video game-related injuries, whether it be from flying Wiimotes or relatives punching you in the face while playing Kinect. The original Mario Party started the trend with “N64 Palm.” N64 Palm is the official term for when calluses form around your palm from vigorously rotating the joystick clockwise or counterclockwise. Its most common cause was, of course, Mario Party‘s “Tug o’ War.” See if you can play the game without sustaining the injury.

Paper Mario
Paper Mario - 64 RemixWe’ve all done it at some point or another: finding innocent creatures to kill in order to level up your HP. If you can manage the whole game without one bit of grinding, you win. Note that this task will take several hours.

Pokémon Snap
Snap
It’s the ultimate picture, the one you would take and travel 100 miles to the nearest printing station to show off to your friends. Get a clear picture of Pokémon 151 and become the world’s most famous, and physics defying, photographer.

Let’s throw in some third-party titles, too.

Goldeneye 007
Goldeneye 64 - 64 Remix

Oddjob has the unfair advantage of being so short that the auto-aim fires just above his head. If you had a friend that used Oddjob, you hopefully de-friended him soon after. To make it even harder, you must defeat Oddjob using the traditional slappers only.

Oh, and the game has been updated so his hat is now a weapon — a one-hit knockout.

Good luck.

Perfect Dark
Perfect Dark - 64 Remix

Back in the days of old and before online multiplayer, we had to trust our friends that they wouldn’t screen watch so they could figure out where the other player was on the map. Perfect Dark was notorious for this technique, mainly because of the FarSight XR-20, a gun which could see through walls. This, combined with screen watching, provided an unfair advantage.

Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire
SotE - 64 Remix
One of the several Star Wars games released for the Nintendo 64, this classic game had you attach a tow cable to an Imperial Turtle Walker, speeding around its legs to tie it up and bring it down. This technique and moment has been seen in most other Star Wars game that feature the Hoth Battle and has become iconic. Coupled with dodgy camera angles, you now have to do this all in first-person mode on your first attempt.

Superman 64

Superman 64 - 64 Remix
This list wouldn’t be complete without it. From the best of the best to the worst of the worse, Superman 64 is famous for being terribly bad. Bad graphics, even by N64 standards, dodgy controls, and terrible gameplay — this title had it all. This might seem simple at first, but you’ll soon realise you are sorely wrong. See if you can withstand ten minutes of the game.

Well, that’s it for my contributions. It’s the perfect excuse to get out your Nintendo 64 and relive the past all over again. Post a comment below if you have any other ideas!

Written by Daniel Switzer

18 year old video game critic who occasionally attempts to be funny. It doesn’t always work. Contributor for multiple sites, special admiration for Nintendo games. Contact me via Twitter @daniel_switzer