It’s hard to believe that, even past the Year of Luigi, society still demands that video game consoles be as thin and slim as possible, setting impossible standards for future generations. Just look at how much criticism Microsoft’s Xbox One received because it was slightly larger than its predecessors. How can we expect these consoles to be happy and fully functional if we keep pressuring them to be as small and slim as possible? Furthermore, it raises the question: does size matter?

doessizematter.fw  Humour: Does Size Matter?Are we setting impossible standards in today’s video game society? What advantages do these slimmer consoles have? In the case of the Wii Mini, features were taken out in order to achieve a smaller build! This is outrageous behaviour from a company like Nintendo, who is looking to expand into the Quality of Life sector of video games. If they cannot be progressive in their ability to represent all consoles, how are consumers supposed to have confidence in their Quality of Life plans? Do they expect me to lose a kidney and an arm just so I weigh a bit lighter?

Their slim agenda has even expanded into their handheld section of video game consoles. The last iteration of the Game Boy line ended with the Game Boy Micro, a significantly small iteration of the console following the Game Boy Advance SP. We’ve seen the same strides taken with the Nintendo DS; firstly with the Nintendo DS Lite, which made the handheld much smaller. This resulted in the original Nintendo DS being labelled the DS Phat or Fat and this is obviously unacceptable. Just because a slimmer version is available does not make the normal version “fat.” This is borderline hate speech.

doessizematter2.fw  Humour: Does Size Matter?This tradition of slimming down consoles to suit society’s needs isn’t exclusive to Nintendo. Sony has shed the pounds on the PS3 every three years since release, making it slimmer and slimmer. Worse still were the names; first came the “PS3 Slim” and then the “Super Slim.” What’s next, the “Nothing But Bones PS3″? Even Microsoft, official partner of “Large Console Rights,” eventually succumbed to the pressure and made the Xbox 360 smaller with the Xbox 360 S. The Xbox of 2001 would have never gave in to peer pressure and its controller, The Duke, would have battered haters out of the way.

It’s not all bad news, though; Nintendo did make strides with the Nintendo DSi XL and Nintendo 3DS XL, though only before their slimmer brethren were released. The Wii U is a chit chubbier than the Wii, too. Microsoft were not afraid to show off the curves of their Xbox One and seemingly have no plans to back down from their decision, either. The age of size zero consoles needs to end; after all, PC gaming didn’t get anywhere by being as thin as possible.

doessizematter3.fw  Humour: Does Size Matter?We need to step up as a community and allow these consoles to be as wide and large as they need to be. Just because these companies tell us that slimmer is better, doesn’t mean it’s true. For every XL, there is a Lite;  for every Slim, there is a Phat; for every problem, there is a fight. The mobile industry is making great leaps with this: the iPhone gets bigger with every iteration and just look at the Galaxy S range. Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft could learn from the mobile industry.

Join me in campaigning for large console rights. Let us know what you think — do you prefer bigger consoles, or slimmer versions?

Next week: Does My HDD Look Big In This? and 10 Ways To Spice Up You And Your GameCube’s Love Life.

PS: If you hadn’t realised, this was a form of satire. Let us know what you thought, would you like to see more, or less?

Written by Daniel Switzer

18 year old video game critic who occasionally attempts to be funny. It doesn’t always work. Contributor for multiple sites, special admiration for Nintendo games. Contact me via Twitter @daniel_switzer

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