The Top 5 Most Annoying Video Game Characters

by Thom P.

Ahh the video game universe, filled with the most heroic heroes and the most villainous villains. From Zelda’s Link to Metal Gear Solid’s Memory-Card-reading Psycho Mantis and everything in between. Perhaps in no other medium would you find such a varied and eclectic range of heroes and villains. However, not all video game characters can boast to have performed heroic deeds or dastardly plots. In fact, in some video game characters seem to exist simply to incur the controller-crushing wrath of us gamers. Here are the Top 5 most annoying video game characters…

 5. Raiden (Metal Gear Solid 2)

Rewind all the way back to 2001. You’re a Metal Gear Solid fan eagerly awaiting the sequel to one of the greatest PlayStation games ever made. Finally the release date arrives and you hurry to your local video game shop (this was back when if you wanted something you had to leave your house, dark times, I know). You hurry back inside, switch your PlayStation 2 on and insert the disc.

The game starts and you are treated to some great cinematic cut scenes only Hideo Kojima can deliver. “Solid Snake” is wearing diving gear so for the first few minutes you can’t see his awesome bandana. After refamiliarising yourself with the controls you enter an elevator where “Solid Snake” can finally take off his mask. The camera arcs round “Snake” gracefully as he takes his mask off, ready for his hero shot. However instead of a gravelly voiced badass you got this guy…

Ahh poor Raiden. Will we ever forgive him for stealing Solid Snake away from us in Metal Gear Solid 2? Luckily Raiden returned in Metal Gear Solid 4 as a cyborg badass and, most importantly, a non-playable character.

4. Nathan Drake (Uncharted)

What can I say about Uncharted’s Nathan Drake? He’s bold, charismatic and a hit with the ladies. He’s the man all of us video game playing nerds hope to one day become. He also makes Lara Croft look like a gentle archaeologist when it comes to destroying ancient ruins and artefacts.

Drake: “Hey, Sully, check out this ancient Egyptian comb. It’s as old as the pyramids of Giza and worth a fortune!”

Sully: “D’ya mind if I use it to comb my moustache?”

Drake: “ After I’m done curling my chest hair.”

It’s absurd, the more ancient and unstable a tomb is, the more Drakes trigger finger starts to itch. He’s crashed a plane, sunk an armada of ships and burnt down a castle. In ONE game! He’s about as subtle as the country he comes from (yeah I went there).

But no one gives a darn because he’s just such a hunk!

3. Cougars (Red Dead Redemption)

No, I don’t mean menopausal women, so get your head out the gutter and your hand away from your six shooter. I’m talking horse killing, cowboy mauling, INSERT ONE MORE cougars. The type you don’t see coming ’till it’s too late. On your way back to town after spending hours skinning animals and flower picking? Well you better keep an eye out or a cougar will come along and make you have to do it all over again. Ask anyone who’s played Red Dead Redemption what the worst animal is and they’ll tell you it’s a cougar. At least you could see bears coming.

2. Adoring Fan  (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

You’ve just become the Arena grand champion. The crowd roars your name as you leave the Arena drenched in your opponent’s blood. As you leave you expect to be greeted by adoring maidens, wanting nothing more than to give you foot rubs and compliment your bulging muscles. But no, your only fan is this odd little fellow.

Maybe it was the chubby face, or the way he talked like a Justin Beiber fan. Or maybe, just maybe, it was his hair that shone brighter than the sun. Whatever it was it made me shove a sword in his face. From what I’ve heard I reacted quite well compared to some players. Kicked off a cliff, thrown into lava, stuck full of arrows and locked in the realms of Oblivion are just a few of the ways other gamers have tried to get rid of him. Of course, he isn’t at number two for nothing. Oh no dear reader. No matter how many times you kill him, he’ll always respawn.

1. Minstrels  (Assassins Creed 2)

I’m trying to chase some evil-doer through the streets of Venice when some moronic moron gets in my face and starts singing a tune that makes Miley Cyrus sound like Frank Sinatra. The only way to get rid of these parasites is to PUNCH THEM IN THE ****** FACE! AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!

It happened so much, one night I went out and shot every busking street performer in town. When I showed the jury the minstrels in Assassin’s Creed 2 they apologised for wasting my time and gave me a freaking medal!!!

*explodes*